Tuesday, October 18

Defense Against the Dark Arts Manual: Update: Emo-kidz

One entity that you will often encounter on the Magical Web is Emo-kidz. These beings usually lie about in their "dens" or "slimepits" emoting and whining and playing their dreadful emo-music. Here, here and here are some large dens. Frequently Emo-kidz can be seen travelling in groups or "clots" about the Web.
The simplest way to determine if you are being menaced by an Emo-kid is to employ one of legendary High Wizard Charles Johnson's truthsay spells. Just level your wand at the entity and cry, "Vericitatus!". Emo-kidz have violent anti-pathic reactions to the truth, so if your entity is an Emo-kid, it will instantly begin to emit a foul trademark miasma composed of profanity, modest mouse music, and whiny self-pitying denial.
The best spell to disapparate Emo-kidz is laughter, just like with Boggarts. But sometimes it is difficult to laugh within the miasma cloud of life-destroying, energy-sapping emo-music, so it is an excellent idea to always carry Emo-reppellant. All good music works as Emo-reppellant, especially if played at 120 db, where sound turns into sensation. Many wizards have had good success with the guitar stylings of magnificant axemen Steve Vai and Joe Satriani, and your author finds underground hiphop and the Bloodhound Gang to be particularily effective. Notice that High Wizard Charles Johnson keeps a fairly constant warding spell of excellent music around his webblog.
So, witchlets and wizardites, hopefully these spells will protect you in your excursions around the Magical Web. 'Member to keep your wand charged and your floo powder dry. ;)

Best Witches,
Defense Against the Dark Arts graduate research assistant and witch-in-training,
Playah Grrl.

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